she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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