the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
