No awkward lesbian experiences without me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you traded sex for a burrito?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
