This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
