i think i have herpe
just one?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
