this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
