Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
