i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
