I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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