TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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