I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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