I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
