So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
