His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
