Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
