: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
