tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
