I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
