it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
