I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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