Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
