I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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