Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
