wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
