Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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