I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
