he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
