Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
