rhymes with "ouble enetration"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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