GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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