my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
