No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
