it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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