hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
