is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just invented taco cereal.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
