remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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