somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
