i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
