no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
