They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
