3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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