You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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