did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
