So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
