Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
