If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
