I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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