I am full of burrito and curiosity
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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