i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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