I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We talked him into tasing himself.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
