apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We need to get me chipped asap
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
