I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
