i think my mom watched the whole time
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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