You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
